


Aftermath

by AlwaysMyChoices



Category: The Royal Romance (Visual Novel)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Break Up, F/M, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-19
Updated: 2020-03-19
Packaged: 2021-03-01 05:01:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 19,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23209699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlwaysMyChoices/pseuds/AlwaysMyChoices
Summary: After the attempted assassination of King Liam and his fiance, all of Cordonia is shocked - but none more than Liam and Collins. In order to protect the love of his life, Liam makes a difficult choice to leave Collins, but none could prepare for the aftermath...(set after the events of TRR Book 2's finale)
Relationships: Liam & Main Character (The Royal Romance), Liam (The Royal Romance)/Original Character(s)
Kudos: 3





	1. Don't Go

Blood stains littered my golden dress, each splatter a new reminder of the hell I would never forget. This beautiful gown was meant to symbolize a happy future for Liam and me, but instead, it represented the worst night of my life. I’d lost my shoes somewhere along the way to the safe room, and my tiara slipped off during my screaming match with the bodyguard who kept me from going to the hospital with Drake. My hair, once styled to perfection, had gone limp and messy in the ensuing chaos. I was no longer a beautiful soon-to-be Queen at a ball. I was now a terrified friend on the cusp of losing what she loved.

“I can’t just stay here,” I glared at my security guard. It was my first time ever being mean to palace staff, but I couldn’t help myself. He’d kept me from everything I needed. I needed to be with Drake. He’d saved my life and might never recover. How could I stay in this room like this? And I needed to know what happened to Liam. He seemed perfectly capable, but even if he did survive without a scratch, I knew he was devastated. Assassins breached the security of the palace and went after everyone in the room- including his fiancé and his best friend. He needed me there.

But I was locked in this stupid fucking room.

“It’s protocol,” he raised his jaw, evading eye contact, and my face flushed with anger.

“At least let me have my phone,” I demanded but received no reply, “You pulled me away from everyone! Drake got shot for me, and I don’t even have my phone to see if he is alive! I have no idea where my damn fiancé is, for fuck’s sake.”

Once more, he just tilted his jaw back and avoided looking at me, and I collapsed in the chair.

I felt so much that I couldn’t identify it anymore. I was outraged. I was infuriated. I was terrified. I was shocked. I was depressed. I was everything all at once and just wanted to be free.

I was startled by a knock at the door, and eyeing me to stay quiet, my security guard cautiously followed procedure before opening it to reveal the person I desperately wanted to see.

“Liam,” I gasped, relief flooding my voice as I stood to greet him.

As he stepped into the room, I was startled by his guarded expression. He was so… cold. He looked at me as he looked at so many nobles- dignified yet hiding his innermost emotions. I took a step back, unsure of how to process this. Had something terrible happened? Did he receive word about Drake?

“I’ll give you two a moment,” my guard nodded towards Liam, earning a similar nod from Liam as he left us alone.

When the door safely clicked and told me that we were finally alone together, I let out a sigh of relief and rushed to my fiancé. I fit into his embrace perfectly, burying my face in his chest. Together, we’d survived hell, and I didn’t care if we were both exhausted, traumatized, and wore stained clothes. I just wanted to be with him.

Before I knew it, everything I’d held in for hours poured out of me, “Liam, I was so scared…”

“I know,” he whispered, a hand resting on my back.

“I didn’t know what was happening. I didn’t know if you were okay or if Drake survived. What happened after I left? No one would tell me anything. That bodyguard just pulled me away and keeps citing some stupid protocol,” I shut my eyes tight, savoring his presence.

But it was in his embrace that I first noticed something was wrong. Liam’s grasp was affectionate, holding me close and letting me vent my fears, but it lacked the familiar warmth. He embraced me differently tonight, and I didn’t know what to think.

“Liam,” I tilted my head, staring into his beautiful face as I struggled to interpret his odd behavior, “Is… Is Drake alright?”

His head just slightly moved as his soft voice explained, “The doctors expect a full recovery. He’s spent the last hour in surgery. Albeit narrowly, the bullet missed all vital organs. He’s in stable condition and is expected to wake up tonight.”

My face split into a smile, relief flooding my body. I hugged Liam back tighter, my enthusiasm evident. Usually, now that we were in private, Liam would have been just as excited or would have shared his fears. He would have done something, but tonight… he just stared at me. His posture didn’t relax. His lips didn’t curve into a smile, and he didn’t even hold me anymore. He just watched me with sadness I hadn’t seen before. I stroked his face, knitting my eyebrows in confusion.

“Liam, this is good news,” I laughed softly, stroking his cheek and smiling as his stubble prickled my skin, “What’s wrong?”

Liam sighed, releasing me all together and stepping towards the bookshelf in the corner. His gaze briefly lingered on my dress- or rather the crimson stains on it. Then, he skimmed the titles, his fingers brushing over the spines to dodge my stare. He seemed to be deep in thought with someone that made him uneasy, and from this distance, I could better evaluate him.

In the months since I’d met Liam in New York, I’d learned the subtly in his body language. His impeccable training left him a picture of politeness and virtue, but when you found his ticks, he became an open book. Yet, I couldn’t read him now. I’d never seen him like this, so closed off to me. Even when hiding his father’s ailment and proposing to another woman, we’d been open to one another. He’d been my Liam, and now, I didn’t know who I was looking at.

Cautiously, I stepped closer, leaning against the bookshelf and watching him with concern, “Tell me what’s wrong, Liam.”

He turned away again when I became insistent, but finally, he answered.

“Tonight… they aimed at you.”

A sad smile spread across my lips, and I couldn’t help but wrap my arms around him, pulling him back to me in a hug, “That isn’t your fault, you know.”

Liam ignored me.

“They are the culprits, not you. Please don’t tell me you think it’s your fault,” desperation slipped into my voice.

Liam ignored me again, neither confirming or denying it, and that told me everything I needed to know. He blamed himself. Ever selfless, he probably didn’t even notice the threat to his own life, but he surely noted Drake’s injury and the attempt on my life.

“I promised that your safety would be a priority, and I failed you. Drake took the bullet, and I’m the reason they were shooting at you,” Liam let out a small laugh, full of bitterness as he added, “That night… I didn’t propose to you because I wanted you to be safe, and I selfishly proposed to you anyways. Had I not done so, you would have been safe tonight, and Drake wouldn’t have had to sacrifice himself.”

I tugged on his arm, silently begging him just to look at me. “It isn’t your fault,” I implored him, “There was an attack that had nothing to do with you.”

“It was an attack on the monarchy, and I am the monarch, Collins,” the pain in his voice cut me like a knife, “I’m taking new measures to ensure your security…”

I laughed softly, gently wrapping my hands around his as I leaned my head against his shoulder, “You’re locking me in more rooms with that terrible security guard?”

“I’m calling off the engagement.”

My heart stopped as my world crashed around me. Clutching my chest, I could practically feel the fractures in my heart as I stumbled back in horror. Silence filled the small saferoom, further isolating the two of us. The weight of my engagement ring sat on my finger and encouraged me to doubt. Perhaps I’d heard him wrong.

“You’re what?” I whispered, hollowness spreading through my limbs.

Liam turned back to me, his eyes watering but his jaw resolute, “I’m calling off the engagement, Collins.”

Whatever was holding me together evaporated, and I dropped to the floor, my gown pooling around me as another reminder of the future queen I’d been only a few hours ago. I struggled to catch my breath, teetering on the cusp of a panic attack.

“You can’t be serious,” I stared up at him, “We just got engaged. We’ve been through hell and back to get here, and now you want to call it off? Liam, this is insane. You know that.”

Liam shook his head, his body practically shaking with the pain of what he was saying, “Your safety is paramount, and being with me jeopardizes that.”

Vigorously, I shook my head as I succumbed further to denial, “Tonight was traumatic. Neither of us is in a place to make decisions right now.”

“Collins, I’ve decided,” he was so firm that I felt knocked back down and collapsed further on the floor. I held my breath, praying for this to end. Maybe I’d fallen asleep and was trapped in some awful nightmare. This couldn’t be real. He wouldn’t do this, especially not now.

“You can’t leave me…” my voice was so weak that I hardly recognized it.

I was breaking right in front of him, revealing depths of vulnerability I didn’t even know I had. Pride nipped at my self-conscious, chastising me for my devastation. The old Collins would have screamed at him, not cried at his feet. She would have demanded a better explanation before telling him to go to hell. She would have thrown the ring in his face and hated him for hurting her at such a vulnerable time.

But that Collins had never loved anyone like Liam. She’d never been on the cusp of pure bliss just for it to be ripped away. She was naïve to the pathetic nature of love. She’d never begged because she’d never had anyone worth begging for. She’d stayed strong because there was no one to wake her weak. She’d said no because she didn’t want to say yes. But now, I was so enraptured with him, so purely in love. I couldn’t live without him. I couldn’t let him go. I couldn’t let this happen. I would beg on my knees if I had to. My pride was cast aside and replaced with desperation I would have typically been ashamed of.

“I love you, Collins Alexander,” Liam’s words warmed my shattered heart, “Which is why I have to leave. Drake took a bullet for you tonight, and he’s in love with you. And if you run away with him, you’ll be safe with someone who loves you. I have to give you that.”

I stared into Liam’s eyes, forcing him to face the hurt he caused me, “But I love you, Liam. I got engaged to you. Up until tonight, I was going to spend the rest of my life with you. If I wanted to run away with Drake, why the hell would I have gone through all that I have?”

He gently stroked my cheek, looking at me like it was the last time, “Always know I love you.”

“Then don’t go,” my voice cracked, holding on to his hand with urgency. Tears spilled down my cheeks as I poured myself into every last-stitch effort I could.

He smiled sadly and stood, silently walking to the door, and burning needles prickled at my skin as despair consumed me.

“Please…” I begged, every ounce of desperation evident in my voice, but Liam just stifled his tours and left me all alone.

And just like that, it was over…

Hope remained, urging me not to listen to him. He was scared. We were both scared. This was a fleeting ultimatum, not a true ending. He needed me and loved me just as I did him, but even if it were true, he was the one leaving while I cried on the floor. I just wanted Liam to comet to me, not run away. I listened for the door, wondering if he would come back and beg to come back to me. But he didn’t.

Numbness spread through my body, relieving me of the burning intensity of all I felt. I fell onto my back, staring at the ceiling and waiting for a constellation to form in the crisp white paint. My heart was beating again, but now, it felt useless. It ached so much that I stopped feeling it all together.

I don’t how long this lasted. It could have been seconds or hours. All I know is that, at some point, my bodyguard entered, and after clearing his throat, he announced, “You’ve been cleared to visit Mr. Walker in the hospital. There’s a car waiting.”


	2. Hospital Rooms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Liam’s sudden decision to end their engagement to protect the woman he loves, Collins is confronted with her feelings in the hospital as she waits for Drake to awaken from his coma. When he wakes, they are both faced with the fate of their friendship….

I watched the water cleanse Drake’s blood from my skin, dripping down the hospital shower as a crimson reminder of my night. Even drenched in scalding water and surrounded by steam, my body couldn’t be washed clean. The blood may no longer stain my skin, but I couldn’t escape it. No matter how much I scrubbed at my body to remove the sins of the night before, it would never leave me. Until the day that I died, the homecoming ball would be ingrained in my mind, and the nightmare that followed didn’t seem to end…

More than ever, I just wanted to be close to Liam. If anything, I just needed his presence. I needed to see him and feel his comforting touch as the hours ticked by without Drake rousing from his coma. Deep down, I knew he needed me, too. When I closed my eyes, it all played out again.

The bliss by the wishing well. The shot. Drake’s blood. Liam’s rejection.

It ran in a loop in my mind, haunting every moment that passed. The depression that followed was consuming, gripping every fiber of my being and holding on for dear life. The possibilities plagued me. If I’d just moved faster, Drake wouldn’t have had to jump in front of me. If we’d allowed for more time to pass before we announced our engagement, maybe the attack wouldn’t have happened. If I’d been better, Liam wouldn’t have had to leave me….

My heart stopped at the thought, and abruptly turning off the water, I emerged from the shower stall and found the towel and clothes laid out for me by Hanna. After everything we’d been through tonight, she’d been eager to help in any way she could. When I arrived at the hospital despondent and panicked, she was there to pick up the pieces. She helped me out of my bloodstained ballgown, locating a pair of jeans and an oversized tee shirt to free me from the memories. She’d untangled my messy updo and fashioned it into a braid only she could master. Washing the tears from my red cheeks, she’d known I wasn’t alright, and she didn’t force me into a conversation I wasn’t ready for.

As grateful as I was for her, I couldn’t reciprocate her concern and generosity. Despair and worry devoured my thoughts as I waited for Drake to wake up. After arriving at the hospital, he’d was stablized quickly. The bullet narrowly missed his vital organs, leaving a clean exit wound, and he required minimal surgery. Yet, with his loss of his blood, he’d entered a coma and hadn’t yet woken. The doctors assured us that, while comas are unpredictable, they expected him to make a full recovery. Yet until I could see it for myself, I refused to get my hopes up.

I tried to clear my mind in vain as I toweled off in the nurse’s locker room. When Hanna saw the blood stains marking my body and my glaring need for a cleanse, she’d tracked down a nurse and begged her to let me shower off in the locker room. I was happy to finally wash off, but secretly, I was also relieved to be alone. I had been surrounded by all of our friends since arriving at the hospital and couldn’t escape the horror of the night. It was nice to just… breathe on my own.

I dressed quickly, catching a glimpse of myself in the mirror and grimacing at my reflection. I looked like hell, but I had every right to. The dazzling reflection of my ring caught a glare in the mirror, shining back at me like a beacon of anguish. Though Liam had called off our engagement, I hadn’t been able to take off the ring. Not yet at least. As long as it stayed on my finger, I didn’t have to admit that it was over. I could hold out hope that Liam’s rash actions were short-lived and could be quickly resolved. 

“You’ll be okay,” I reminded my reflection, but even I recognized how unconvincing my wavering whisper was. I was not _okay_. No one was.

Shaking off the thought and putting my wet hair back into a braid, I left the locker room and found my way back to the private waiting room we’d been ushered into upon arrival. Drake, as much as he may have hated Cordonian nobles, worked up quite a crowd when he needed one. The room was packed with concerned friends and members of the royal guard. The only person not in attendance was Liam himself, but that was more complicated. The king couldn’t go in public immediately after an assassination attempt, and honestly, I think he didn’t want to be around me.

Savannah, obviously devastated, clutched Bartie with desperation, and Bertrand fought through his fear of intimacy and weakness to comfort her in the best way he could. Maxwell was on the edge of succumbing to a blubbering mess, turning to his people-pleasing nature to survive the night. Hardly a moment went by without him asking Olivia if she needed something or offering to entertain the whole group, and if it kept going any longer, I knew Olivia would snap. Hanna waited for my return with a seat beside her available for me. Jack of all trades, she’d even mastered hiding her fear, but I knew she was terrified and shaken by the attack.

Silently, I took my seat beside her and watched her posture relax with my presence. Holding out her hand for mine, she gave me a reassuring squeeze, and I nearly winced as my ring pressed into my skin. It only made the lack of Liam more noticeable.

“Are you alright?” Hanna whispered.

“No,” I murmured, shaking my head gently, “But I will be.”

She looked at me, unconvinced, and I squeezed her hand again as I added, “Promise.”

Part of me knew that I was lying to my best friend and felt a pang of guilt, but the other part of me wanted my words to be a prophecy, not deceit. I _wanted_ to be alright. I didn’t want to live like this – fearing every corner and unfamiliar face, wondering if my friends were going to die, and losing the love of my life. I wanted my old life back. I wanted to be the newly engaged queen-to-be walking into the Homecoming Ball on the tail of victory against an evil conspiracy. I wanted to worry about my wedding dress, not assassination attempts.

“We’re here for you. All of us,” Hanna looked around the room, a smile perking at her lips, “We’re all here for each other, Collins. We’re a family.”

I found myself laughing at the thought. We were an odd family at best and dysfunctional at worst, but in my time in Cordonia, we’d become family even if it took a tragedy for me to realize it. I smiled my thanks at Hanna, earning a warm grin as we both returned to silence.

More time ticked by with Maxwell bothering Olivia who grew closer and closer to an explosion, but before she could finally launch her attack on Maxwell and punish his incessant talking, a nurse entered the room and commanded our attention. I held my breath, worried that his situation had changed for the worse.

“Well, aren’t you going to say something?” Olivia demanded, standing and towering over the small nurse, “Where is Drake Walker? We need to know about our friend. I will get your supervisor-“

“What she _means_ is that we’re sorry for interrupting you,” Bertrand interrupted Olivia, glaring at her from across the room as he held a frantic Savannah and Bertie in his arms.

“Um,” the nurse stumbled on her words, her eyes still nervously glancing at Olivia, “Mr. Walker is awake and in good condition.”

Olivia didn’t wait for another word, storming past the nurse towards the patient rooms. Shocked, the nurse followed after her, insisting that she hadn’t even given her directions yet. Maxwell followed after her to keep her from further terrifying the poor nurse, and Hanna stayed by me, offering emotional support.

I watched Savannah stand, tears still running down her cheeks as she started walking after the nurse. Bertrand followed, holding their sleeping son in his arms, and despite everything, a grin nipped at my lips. In tragedy, Bertrand could cast aside his pride and focus on the woman he loved, and even if my love ended in heartbreak, maybe theirs didn’t have to.

Each step down the hospital hallway felt heavier, the sterile white lights casting a grim shadow on the world. From the moment that gun was fired, my life had changed. My relationship with Drake changed. He was no longer my whiskey-loving, complaining best friend. He was my savior. He took a bullet for me, risking his own life to ensure my safety. It was an unpayable debt and had caused such great pain to everyone around us. That bullet was meant for me, and everyone knew it. How could I face it? How could I be the girl worth saving when I could hardly function? If that bullet hadn’t been so lucky, we could have lost Drake. Savanah would have lost a brother and everyone else a dear friend, and it would have been my fault.

And then there was what we never said out loud.

Drake cared for me in ways beyond how a friend should. As much as he attempted to hide it, I saw it in his eyes when he looked at me and felt it in every accidental touch. What if the bullet wasn’t taken in the name of friendship or concern? What if he took that shot because he loved me? What if I lost him, too?

I hesitated by the door of the hospital room, and Hanna looked back at me, her eyebrows knit in a silent expression of confusion. I chewed on my lower lip as my fears bubbled to the surface, and then I heard it.

“For the love of God, Maxwell, _stop hugging me.”_

I knew that voice anywhere.

Relief spread through my body as I heard Drake. Even with a bullet wound, he was still Drake- ever complaining and sassy. As much as I feared what would happen next, my need to see him conquered my anxieties. I stepped through the door, happiness swelling through my chest as I saw Drake.

He wasn’t exactly the man I’d seen at the homecoming ball. His stylish suit was replaced by a hospital gown, and his tan skin turned greyish under the hospital lights. His movements were tired and his eyes bloodshot, but he was _Drake_. Tears sprang to my eyes as I moved towards his hospital bed.

“You, too, Alexander? Why is everyone crying? I’m alright!” Drake insisted, and I found myself laughing as I moved in to hug him. I was gentle, somewhat afraid of harming him even further than I already had, and he accepted my hug with feigned reluctance. I could feel in his grasp that he needed it.

“Even after being shot, you’re a smartass,” I teased, chuckling through the tears as I wiped them with the sleeve of my tee shirt.

“Very funny,” he narrowed his eyes at me.

“Can you believe these conditions?” Olivia interrupted, holding up part of Drake’s blanket with distaste, “This is _awful_. I can’t even imagine this is sanitary. How are none of you concerned?” Olivia scanned the area for the nearest authority to complain to, “I’m going to immediately secure better accommodations.”

“That’s really not necessary-“ I tried, but Olivia held up a hand to silence me, marching off to give some unforunate person hell.

We watched her go, her red stilettos clacking against the epoxy floor, and we refrained from trying to stop her. The only thing worse than letting Olivia go on her rampage was trying to contain her wrath and receiving it in the process.

“I think she’s trying to show she cares,” Hanna suggested, and the first smile of the night spread across Savannah’s lips.

“She was always in love with you…” Savannah smiled, smoothing her older brother’s hair from his bedside, and Drake nearly popped out of bed in shock.

“That’s not true!” Drake gasped incredulously, “How can you even think something like that?”

“Because I have eyes, Drake,” Savannah rolled her eyes affectionately, struggling not to cry again. I’d heard their emotional reunion from outside the door, but knowing that her brother was alive and well didn’t erase all of the trauma of the night. It would always be there in all of us.

Before the group could further settle into the hospital room and raise even more hell, the head nurse appeared with the pitiful nurse who brought us here trailing her, head tucked down in embarrassment. The head nurse glared at us all, “Mr. Walker has just been involved in a traumatic medical emergency and _requires_ rest. I _must_ insist you allow him to do so and return at normal visiting hours. You should not all be here.”

Maxwell was outraged, but Hanna kept him from saying anything regrettable with a well-placed hand on his shoulder. He silenced himself, turning back to Drake, “I’ll be back tomorrow, but don’t you worry. I’ll bring my boombox so you can still enjoy the breakdancing you missed during the party.”

Drake’s face went pale as he replied, “You really don’t need to do that.”

Savanah looked at the nurse in horror. After their reunion, leaving so quickly sounded awful, “I can’t leave him alone… Can’t someone stay with him tonight?”

“One person,” the nurse looked to all of us in a silent warning before leaving the room, waiting for us to disperse.

Savannah looked to Bertrand as he held their son, “Can you watch him tonight?”

Bertrand was taken aback but quickly beamed at the offer, “Of course, though I don’t feel comfortable leaving you.”

“Drake can’t be alone,” Savannah’s voice quivered as tears threatened to fall once more, and she turned to her brother, holding his hand with watering eyes. It was only now that I saw the exhaustion in her eyes. The fear and panic had taken its toll, reducing her to a terrified little sister scared for her big brother.

“Savannah, you need rest just as much as I do,” Drake’s voice mirrored her concern.

“I’ll stay tonight,” I interjected.

Everyone turned their attention to me, surprised by my offer.

“I may not have known Drake very long, but I know he won’t take care of himself until he knows you’re alright, too. You’re exhausted, Savannah. Let me do this. I promise he won’t be alone,” I looked back to Drake with a small smile, “He saved my life. The least I can do is give up a night in my own bed.”

Drake’s chocolate brown eyed beamed a silent “thank you” as he nodded in agreement, and Savannah considered the offer, eventually sighing her approval. Pressing a gentle kiss to Drake’s forehead, she moved away from his bedside and prepared to leave. Bertrand stood by her side as they began to go, but she paused to squeeze my arm.

“Thank you, Collins.”

“Don’t thank me… I’m the reason he’s in that bed,” I sighed, too ashamed to meet her gaze. Drake took a bullet for me, and I was in love with his best friend. I felt undeserving of Drake’s grand gesture, and I could only imagine how much Savannah must have _hated_ me for rejecting her brother and being the cause of his injuries.

“No, you’re not. Drake’s heroism complex is,” Savanah laughed for the first time since we’d gotten to the hospital, and the sound warmed something deep inside of me, “The assassins pulled the trigger. It’s never been your fault.”

A tear slid down my cheek as I whispered my sincere thanks, and she smiled once more at me before leaving. Maxwell and Hanna far behind, gathering their final hugs before moving towards the door.

“We’ll be back in the morning,” Hanna assured me, a smile appearing as an idea popped into her head, “With _cronuts_!”

Once the door closed, it was just Drake and me. It felt like ages ago that we’d last been alone together, and I had to remind myself that it had only been a few hours. As we’d shared mojitos and whiskey away from the homecoming ball, I’d seen how much he loved me. I’d suspected for some time, but alone in that hallway, I knew… And in all honesty, there was something there for him. It was an inkling lurking in the corner. Something that, had I never met Liam, could have grown into something beautiful. In a movie, it would have been the moment where I realized I loved him, too, but we weren’t in a movie. An inkling- no matter how promising- didn’t compare…

And I hated myself for it. The man who saved my life loved me. Together, we could leave this life behind. He was the perfect escape. We’d leave Cordonia, the court, and the danger. But I didn’t want the man who saved my life. I was in love with the one who left.

“Alexander… Are you okay?” Drake asked, surprising me. It was the second time someone had asked me that tonight, but I was still stunned by it.

“Me? You got _shot_ , Drake,” I chuckled, deflecting the question.

“Really?” Drake knit his brows together, running his fingers through his hair as he looked at the dressing covering his wound, “I thought it was just an aggressive papercut.”

“Shut up,” I tried not to laugh and failed.

“Listen, we both went through hell tonight, Alexander. Something’s wrong with you, and in the spirit of shared trauma, I’m allowing you to go _marshmallow_ as long as it stays in this room,” he continued to tease me, and a smile perked at my lips.

I pulled up the seat next to him, thinking about the complicated mess my feelings had become. In all of the drama, I’d lost track of all of the emotions I felt. I didn’t know where they came from or what precipitated them. I just knew they were there…

“I was afraid of losing you,” my voice was small as I averted his gaze.

“I’m fine, Alexander. You heard the doctor. Shot missed all of the important stuff,” he smirked.

“Beyond you dying…” I swallowed, finding comfort and intensity in the intimacy. If there was ever any time we could put everything on the table, it was now, but I was still so scared.

Drake grew silent, growing suspicious of my deeper meaning.

I took a solemn breath and drummed up my courage to ask, “Why did you save me?”

“Someone was shooting at you,” he snorted.

I shook my head, letting out a smirk, “ _Drake.”_

“I don’t know what you’re asking, Alexander,” Drake’s voice was soft and full of meaning, and as he looked into my eyes, I knew I had to say it.

“Drake… I know you didn’t want to care about me when you met me,” I began, “and I know that it’s been hard for you. You’ve always been such a good friend, and you’d never do anything to hurt Liam or me. Sometimes, I think my presence has been hell for you… I see a lot more than you think I do.”

“Alexander,” Drake began to interrupt me, but I stopped him.

“I have to say this,” I took a deep breath, “I know how you feel, Drake, but I’ve never said how I felt. You are my best friend, and if things had been different, maybe you would have been more. But I love Liam. And I’m terrified that you jumped in front of that bullet because you’re in love with me, and I don’t want to lose you tonight.”

“Alexander,” Drake laughed, shaking his head as he considered my confession, “You’re my best friend, too. I’ll admit that I’ve been in love with you for some time, but I will also admit that I’m not a fool. I’ve seen you and Liam together, and I know that you wouldn’t have gone through all of this for a man you didn’t love. When you announced your engagement to Liam, it became real,” Drake paused and met my gaze, “I _let go_. Yes, I still love you to take a bullet, but I’m alright. You don’t _owe_ me anything, Alexander, and I never want you to think you do.

I shook my head, instinctively pulling him into a hug, “I owe you my life and my friendship. You’re not getting rid of me, you big marshmallow.”

Drake hugged me back as best he could, breathing me in before murmuring, “Then cut the bullshit, Alexander, and tell me what’s wrong.”

“Nothing’s wrong,” I objected as I pulled away, but when he cocked an eyebrow, I knew I didn’t stand a chance. Chewing on my lower lip, I shrugged, “Tonight’s about you.”

“Come on. Marshmallow Drake is out. Use it up while it’s here,” he tried.

I glanced down at my engagement ring, watching it reflect the harsh lights, and the pain broke through my numbness just to rub in how _happy_ I’d been when Liam first slipped it on my finger. This ring meant so much to me. It represented our struggle and everything we’d done to be together, and it was a promise for the future. Now the promise was broken, and I had a diamond to remind me of it.

“Well, something’s going on… I know that Liam can’t leave his security at a time like this, but I have a feeling his absence is more meaningful. You hadn’t even said his name until now, and you almost winced when you said you loved him,” Drake egged me on, but I didn’t budge. I _couldn’t_.

Once it was vocalized, it was real, and I wasn’t ready.

“Maybe I’m overthinking it…” Drake changed the subject, “But if you’re just here to stay the night because of guilt, no need. Liam’s security has my safety covered, and I’m perfectly capable of sleeping alone. After everything you’ve been through, you and Liam need enough other tonight.”

“I’m not here out of guilt,” I finally spoke.

Drake cocked an eyebrow, and I could tell he was getting closer to the truth, “Well, it’s still dangerous to stay here with me tonight. The assassins failed in killing me, and as you are their original target, security has doubled. Liam has to be worried.”

“I wouldn’t know,” I retorted, bitterness slipping into my voice, “If I’m honest, I think Liam’s protectionary measures are _bullshit_.”

Drake nodded his head thoughtfully, and I finally cracked.

“You told me about the last assassination attempt, and he needed you then. I know that tonight is killing him. It was his homecoming ball, his monarchy, his loved ones… But I thought… I thought he would need _me_ tonight,” I poured my frustrations out, biting my cheek to suppress my crying.

“Collins…” Drake recognized the gravity of the situation, but I was still shocked by the intimacy of my first name.

“Liam called off our engagement,” my voice was so broken that I barely heard it, and I was too sad to succumb to the convulsing sob my body wanted. I sat there in stillness, every body part aching for his love.

“ _What?”_ Drake sat up, though he was forced to lean back from the pain.

“He said it was for my safety. He couldn’t fathom putting me in danger, and becoming queen will make me a target,” I laughed bitterly, “He told me to run away with you.”

“He doesn’t mean that, Alexander,” Drake held out his hand for mine, wanting to comfort me, “He’s scared, and he’s lost enough to know he could lose you, too.”

“But he isn’t losing me, he’s pushing me away!” I choked on my sob, “I love him so much, Drake. I’ve never loved anyone like this before. I don’t even recognize myself. I feel broken and hollow. I don’t know how to live without him now, and I hate myself for being like this.”

“Liam loved you, and you don’t need to hate yourself. He’s in a bad place and thinks he’s protecting you, but really, he’s afraid. He’ll come back to you. I knew Liam before you came into his life, and I’ve seen him after… he won’t be able to stay away, even if he knows he should. He hated the affairs of the nobility, but for you, he would have embraced it. He would have left the whole kingdom if he had to.”

“You didn’t see him… he was so determined,” I swallowed, “What if he means it?”

“He doesn’t,” Drake shook his head, “Liam was raised to be the perfect prince, but you reminded him he was human. You may not know who you are without him, but he knows who he is without you. And he doesn’t want to be that man again.”

I listened to Drake, internalizing every word and praying that he was right. I just wanted Liam back. I wanted to be there for him when he needed me.

“Thank you,” I whispered, patting my eyes with my sleeve as I tried to pull myself together.

“I’m always here, Alexander. Though I do expect some sort of godfather role for your firstborn in return,” he teased, and I laughed through my sniffles.

“I know,” I bit my lip, “Though you sure as hell tried to scare us all with that gunshot.”

“I was being a _hero_!” he insisted with a chuckle.

“Sure,” I extended the word, finding comfort in the fact we were still friends. If we could survive tonight, our friendship could weather this storm. For now, I just wanted to spend time with my friend, “How about a game of poker before you drift off?” I think I spotted a deck of cards in the waiting room.”

Drake perked up, “Poker? Only if you’re ready for me to kick your ass, Alexander.”

“We’ll see about that,” I raised an eyebrow as I stood to get the cards.

But before I could get out the door and find the cards, I was surprised by a familiar redhead.

“Olivia?” I gasped, laughing softly, “What are you doing here? I thought you left the second you saw polyester uniforms.”

Olivia’s jaw tightened as she shrugged her shoulders, but I saw through her tough façade. She was emotional…. She was _scared_. She cared about Drake and was shaken by what had happened. As much as she said she hated him, she was the one who came back to his hospital room. Savannah’s words ran through my mind again, and I wondered… could Olivia be in love with Drake?

“I couldn’t sleep and wanted to check on Drake,” she admitted, horrified that someone else witnessed her emotional support of her supposed enemy, “Did I hear something about poker?”


	3. Take It All

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now that Liam has called off the engagement and Collins has made peace with Drake after the assignation attempt, Collins runs into Liam and makes a final plea to save what they have.

Sunlight slipped through the cracks in the blinds, bathing the grim hospital room in warm shades of sunrise. It was the light at the end of a very long tunnel and marked the end of my night from hell. It was simultaneously a comfort and a horror. It was one thing to be embroiled in the emotions of an assassination attempt, but it was another to keep living afterward. As I watched the sunrise, I saw the uncertainty in the aftermath. We all survived the attack, but were we the same people? How could we be?

I averted my gaze from the window, straightening my lazy position in the armchair, and as my eyes washed over the hospital bed, a hint of a smile formed on my lips. Enveloped in the violet and red rays of the sunrise, Drake and Olivia were a sight that brought warmth to a dreary day. Somehow, in the hours of poker (where they both kicked my ass ruthlessly) and ensuing laughter, Olivia abandoned her red ballgown in favor of scrubs she openly despised, but despite her complains, Olivia couldn’t leave him. Curled up in a chair, Olivia slept beside Drake’s hospital bed, their hands wandering to one another in their sleep, and I was struck by the happy innocence.

Until last night, I thought Liam and I had that, too. Even against trials and tribulations, we were happy. So happy that it verged on naivety. We’d never felt anything like what we had, and we thought it could carry us through anything. We were on the cusp of a lifelong commitment and a happily ever, but now, I just wore an engagement ring full of heartbreak and broken promises.

The sun reflected off of the diamond, casting light on my face to remind me. As if I could ever forget.

I stood quietly, carefully untangling myself from the thin blanket I’d been given in an unsuccessful attempt to get me to sleep. The trauma was exhausting and had lulled everyone else into a deep, deserving sleep, but I was plagued with emptiness. I hurt too much to feel, too much to sleep…

“Where are you going?” a voice surprised me, and I jumped as I turned back to see Olivia’s head gently raise, sleep in her eyes as she watched me from across the room.

“Getting coffee,” I murmured, noting with a sting of jealousy that her hand didn’t leave Drake’s.

“You’re leaving me alone?” there was a flash of panic in Olivia’s expression, and I smiled softly.

“I think you’ve got it, Olivia,” I cast my eyes meaningfully to their entangled hands, and she looked back to me, so many questions in her bright green eyes. I smiled again, silently urging her to stop worrying and enjoy what she had. If I could have gone back, I would have done the same thing with Liam.

Now at the end, I realized how much time I wasted with Liam because of uncertainty and pride. I spent so much energy agonizing about whether or not he would have me or if I was genuinely crazy to abandon everything in New York. If I’d known our days of innocence were numbered, I would have done so many things differently. I would have neglected courtly decency just to touch him and see that brilliant smile.

“Want a cup?” I asked gently, and Olivia scoffed.

“Hospital coffee? No thank you,” she rejected my offer, and I found myself laughing as I left them alone in the hospital room.

I followed the smell of coffee, wandering the hospital corridors in search of caffeine. The silence was my only comfort, and I was relieved by its uncompromising consistency. It didn’t judge my tear stained cheeks or un-ladylike attire. It didn’t ask me to be okay when I wasn’t, and it didn’t expect an explanation.

I turned another corner and found that my silence was interrupted.

Chatter lurked just out of earshot, giving me enough to hear but not understand. I felt a small panic settle in, the unknown now marred by trauma. My trust was replaced with fear, and I dug my hands into my jean pockets, peaking around every corner with a pounding heart.

“It’s all clear, your majesty,” the voice was louder now and more familiar, but this brought me no solace.

“Thank you, Bastien.”

Everything stopped. I was frozen in place, the words ringing in my ears in a competition with my beating heart. It like time entered slow motion, seconds moving at a crawl as the inevitable approached. I knew that voice… I knew that man. I loved him, and he left me.

A voice in the back of my head begged me to run, and something was tempting about that idea. I could avoid him for now. Maybe forever. He told me to run away from Cordonia, and perhaps I should.

Yet something larger kept me planted where I was. It kept me in Cordonia, and it kept me in this hospital. I tried to identify it and failed to capture it. Its instincts commanded me to stay, and I listened.

And that was how I found myself face-to-face with King Liam of Cordonia, the love of my life and the greatest heartbreak I’d ever felt.

His strong, stoic features filled with shock, and I was knocked back by how I hardly recognized him. His suit was wrinkled and half-hazardly worn, and in his bloodshot eyes, I saw a man terrorized by an internal struggle few would ever have to face. He was breaking before my very eyes, and I wanted to reach out and hold him. I wanted my love to fix the unfixable.

“Lady Collins,” Liam’s words were breathless.

“Liam,” I swallowed hard, forcing my eyes away from his as I nodded towards Bastien, “Hello, Bastien.”

He nodded hello, and I noted that Bastien was uncomfortable. Liam told him.

I don’t know why the revelation hurt. I’d told Drake, after all, and surely, Bastien deserved to know as his head of security. Still, there was something so final about it that it stung in all the right places, bringing me back to the edge I thought I’d left behind the night before.

“Where is your security detail?” Liam’s words were loaded with too many emotions to unravel, simultaneously accusatory and apologetic.

“Bastien’s here. I think I’m fine,” I quipped, startled by the venom in my own voice.

Bastien looked between the two of us before nodding thoughtfully to Liam, “The corridor is secure, your majesty. I’ll give you two a moment.”

Neither Liam or I said anything as Bastien respectfully stepped away, positioning himself just out of sight for privacy, and even after he left, we remained silent. There was so much to say that words didn’t come.

I just wanted him to walk up to me and take it back. To take back every tear and every bit of rejection. I wanted my engagement ring to be a promise and not just a piece of jewelry. I wanted my Liam back.

“I came to see Drake… I didn’t realize you stayed,” his voice was full of resigned sadness. He’d told me to run to Drake and live happily ever after with him, but now that he thought I did it, he was sad. Some part of me thought he deserved this, but the other was devastated he thought I could give up on us and run to another so easily.

“Savannah was a mess. I thought it would be right to stay with my friend,” I placed emphasis on the word to get the message finally through his thick head, “He’s asleep with Olivia right now.”

There was surprise in his eyes, and a flush of anger rushed through me.

“I guess she messed up your little backup plan for me,” I murmured as I cast my eyes down, “I talked to him last night, you know?” tears prickled at my eyes, “Drake let me go when you proposed to me. He was never mine, and I was never his.”

I was alarmed by my remaining need for Liam. I wanted to drop to my knees and beg. I wanted him back more than I’d ever wanted anything in my life. I wanted to hold him, and I wanted him to hold me. I was overcome by a swell of bittersweet hope that brought me to tears.

“So now that I don’t have a backup plan, maybe we could…” I looked up at him, shedding every ounce of pride to suggest, “pretend this didn’t happen.”

“Collins…” Liam’s voice told me everything I needed to know, and the crushing weight of rejection knocked the air out of my lungs.

I forced air back into my chest, the gasp wavy and desperate, and I swallowed back my sob as I begged, “Liam, I know you’re scared. I’m scared, too-“

“Collins, don’t you see that you shouldn’t have to be scared?” Liam interrupted me, silently pleading with me to understand. He wanted me to know that he wasn’t doing this to hurt me, but how could that be true? How could I survive this, let alone understand? How could something that devastated me so much be for my own good? 

“But I am!” I retorted, “I am terrified, and so are you! And being apart at a time like this is bullshit, and you know it. Let me help you. Let me be there. You can’t tell me that you don’t love me because I know you do, and you know that I love you more than I’ve ever loved anything before. So, what are we doing?”

I stepped forward to Liam and felt the stabbing pain of watching him move away in response.

“I’m protecting you, Collins, because I love you. You deserve more than a life with me. You deserve to be back in New York, a place you love and where you can be safe. You deserve to find someone who doesn’t put your life in danger,” Liam was a model king, selfless and selfish at the same time. His grand gesture was to set his love free and give her a better life, but it just shielded him from his own pain and hurt her more than he could imagine.

“I don’t give a fuck about what I deserve because I need you,” I stepped closer, not caring if he moved away again, “I can’t run away to New York and pretend I didn’t meet you. There’s no view of Central Park that can replace having you, Liam. Six months ago, I was a girl who could have survived this, but I’ve changed. And now I can’t lose you.”

“This is for your own good,” Liam’s words had lost their resolve and exposed the fear I knew was lurking beneath.

“Don’t you dare say that,” I shook my head, tears streaming down my cheeks, “Something that’s for my own good doesn’t hurt like this.”

Liam’s eyes were full of concern and affection and pain, and I just wanted to stop. He had the power to make it end. He just had to come back to me. He had to let me in, and we would be freed from this nightmare. We could survive the aftermath together.

“Collins… I’m sorry,” his apology was so weak that my body shook with desperation and hurt.

“You just have to come to me, Liam,” my voice wavered through the tears, “I’ll fix you, and you’ll fix me. Maybe we’re not safe, but we’re happy. I love you, Liam. Let me in, please,” my face twisted into that of desperation, and I was almost ashamed to let him see me like this, “We’re both miserable, and being together is the only thing that can fix it.”

Liam’s hands wrapped around mine, and hope flooded my body, reviving the parts of my soul previously numbed by his absence. I was alive again, and a laugh escaped my lips as Liam wiped away my tears. He was so close to me that I could smell the familiar warmth of his cologne, and I wanted to melt into his love.

“I can’t, Collins.”

And just like that, I was broken once more. Shattered shards of my souls fell to the ground, bouncing off the sterile epoxy as even the floor rejected it. I pulled away from him, disgusted by the hope I found in his touch. I closed my eyes to escape the horrifying sight of the man I loved giving me up. I wanted to say that he was saying goodbye to me, but he already had. I just didn’t listen because I loved him too much.

I was repulsed with my desperation and hope. I’d bore my vulnerability and faced a deeper rejection than I could have imagined. I cursed the part of me that kept me standing, that forced me to fight only to lose in the end. If I’d run away, I could have found solace in cowardice. I hated that I felt it. That my heart had grown larger just to be destroyed. I was pathetic and still so in love with him.

I raked my fingers through my hair as I struggled to catch my breath, and as my engagement ring hooked on a lock of hair, the weight of it was unbearable. I examined my ring finger with desolation, and I wiggled it off my finger, watching the light catch its beauty. It was such a beautiful ring. Such a beautiful life we almost had together…

“If you mean that, then take it,” I held out the ring for Liam, staring into his ocean blue eyes and getting lost in them. This ring was so much more than a ring, so much more than even an engagement. It was the culmination of us. It was the passion we shared and the love we built. It was the triumph over every trial. It was the fight we’d won. It was us, and part of me was sure that he couldn’t take it back. He couldn’t bear to let go just as I couldn’t give up, “Take it all, Liam.”

Liam was pained, and I felt guilty for doing this to him. He was one I wanted to protect and adore, yet I was putting him in a situation I knew would kill him in hopes it would bring it back to me. Who was I? What had heartbreak turned me into?

“I love you, Collins Alexander,” Liam wrapped his hand around mine, squeezing it tightly before taking the ring from between my fingers. He placed it carefully in the pocket by his heart, his red eyes filling with tears, and I lost my breath.

He took it…

It’s really over.

“Goodbye, Collins.”

Liam’s eyes washed over me one final time as if memorizing every detail, but I didn’t need to memorize him. This moment was engrained in my soul, an unremovable blemish. It demanded a presence. It would haunt me every second that we were apart, and as the pain enveloped me, I found myself wishing I’d never met him.

The waitress in New York was happy. She was independent and free, and I missed her.

“All I’ve ever tried to do is love you, Liam,” I confessed, swallowing heavy, “I came across the world and did everything I could to have you, you know. I spent last night wishing I could be with you because I didn’t want you to be in pain… I wanted to make it better,” my fingertips ran over my lips, trying to remember his kiss, “I just didn’t think this is how it would end.”

“Neither did I,” Liam whispered, watching me with a grieving stare.

“A kiss goodbye?” I bit my lower lip, fighting off the tears. If he was going to remember me like this, I didn’t want to cry. I wanted to hold on while I could.

Liam leaned in, pressing a gentle kiss to my cheek, and I closed my eyes as I breathed him in. A stray tear betrayed me and fell from my eyes, and I laughed bitterly. I couldn’t even keep it together when it mattered. Liam pulled away, placing his hand on my cheek with a meaningful glance, and then it was over.

Ever strong, Liam put one foot in front of the other and forced himself to make the first step. And then another. And before I knew it, he was gone.

He was truly gone.

With my back against the wall, I slid to the floor, burying my face in my hands and convulsing into a sob that consumed me. Every breath was a pained struggle. Every tear a dagger down my cheek. Every thought unwanted. There was no future ahead of me- just bleak darkness.

I felt again. Oh, did I feel again. I felt everything so acutely that I didn’t know how to cope. Everything radiated with rejection and desolation. The dull ache was replaced with horrific burning.

A girl came to Cordonia and fell in love.

And it destroyed her.


	4. Hurt Like This

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Liam let Collins go, he rationalized that it was for her own good. He just didn’t think it would hurt like this…

“Something that’s for my own good doesn’t hurt like this.”

Her voice rang in my ears, haunting me with every repetition. Every time I thought I’d put it out of my life, I heard it somewhere else. I heard it in the noise. I heard it in the silence. I heard it in the beat of my broken heart. The poignant phrase scarred me from the moment Collins said it in the hospital hallway, and I would never forget it.

When I closed my eyes, I saw her. I saw her broken eyes, the stunning sparkle diminished to desperation. I saw the redness staining her cheeks as tears escaped her. I saw the exhaustion in her stare and the hope she had when she saw me again. I saw the moment I broke her in a loop, a new detail sparking my attention each time. The red eyes. The tears. The hope. The despair. The way she’d handed me the ring with such confidence only for me to disappoint her once more.

But I didn’t want to see it anymore.

I drowned myself in whatever was in my cup, too anesthetized to recognize taste let alone appreciate it. My senses were solely dedicated to reliving my despair and dwelling on the heartbreak, and I sought numbness in bottles of scotch. I stared down the aged whiskey, a gift for Drake I’d yet to present him, but I couldn’t bear to open the bottle. The alcohol was meant to make the world stop moving, and I forced myself to drink coffee to make it move again. The royal surgeon surveyed my injuries and offered painkillers to compensate for my wounds, but I rejected them as unnecessary. How could I feel physical pain when I’d lost the love of my life? I’d broken her heart and sent her away, and the acute pain of that couldn’t compete with the discomfort of a knife.

The doctor prescribed fluids and bed rest, but I neglected his orders. I didn’t have the luxury of wailing in my discontent. Instead, I attended various emergency meetings, sitting with publicists and prime ministers alike to discuss the logistical aftermath of my assassination attempt, and I found comfort in the monotony of my role. It distracted me from the horrific truth that I was at fault for the night’s events. The assassins aimed at my crown with loved ones in the crossfire.

As a monarch, I was apparently a disappointment. My young reign was marred by those willing to kill for their discontent, and I was disheartened by my apparent failure. My life was ruled by the opinion and approval of others. My childhood was plagued by Leo’s recklessness and was always the eager spare, hopeful to please and lacking the accolades. The monarchy didn’t need anymore scandals, and I restrained myself from life’s pleasures to be the perfect prince. My loyalty was demonstrated at every possible turn, forcing me to neglect my affection for the love of my life to meet courtly expectations. Cordonia was a part of my identity. Now able to serve my country as king, I hoped for Cordonia to prosper, but I was met with bullets and panic instead. The assassination attempt was unsuccessful, but it would undoubtedly hinder the Cordonian economy and contribute to national unrest. 

The king may have been dismayed, but as a man, I was destroyed. My title placed my loved ones in direct danger. If they’d just never met me… Drake wouldn’t have been shot. Maxwell and Hana wouldn’t have panicked and been presumed missing for several hours. Olivia wouldn’t have had to stab an attacker with her hairpin, and Collins would have been safe.

Without me, her life was easier. I thought back to the girl I’d met in New York. She was so young and carefree, standing on the cusp of real adulthood in the city where dreams came true. Graduating in only a few short months, she was just about to embark on the life she always wanted. She told me about her life back then in small anecdotes- some about her friends and their antics and others just centered on the city she loved so much.

I was ashamed of how little I knew about her. Until a few months ago, I didn’t know how her parents died, and until my coronation, I didn’t realize they were deceased. She listened to every story of mine, and I hadn’t noticed that I didn’t return the favor. For me, she put everything behind her and showed no remorse, but she had every right to harbor discontent. My love shackled her to sexist customs and deprived her of privacy.

She left her life to follow me to Cordonia, acting on the hope that I shared her affection. Adapting to every custom and rising to every challenge, Collins became what I needed her to be. She refrained from public outbursts even when she wanted to scream. She smiled when she wanted to cry and allowed her name to be run through the dirt for the sake of poise. She accepted my offer to be a mistress during my false engagement, and she was willing to take on a life of stolen moments for me. She was magnificent and independent, and she loved me enough to do everything she could to make it work. She told me that she’d only ever tried to love me, and it was the truth.

Collins Alexander loved me, and I was the luckiest man in the world.

Her heart was in my hands, and I crushed it for her own good.

I practically snarled at the thought. For her own good? Who was I to even decide that? Why couldn’t our love affair be full of happiness and not a tragedy? Why couldn’t she have just never loved me?

I closed my eyes again, and I saw Collins once more.

She was so vulnerable, so exposed. She needed me in ways neither of us had ever felt before. She loved me and needed my love in return. She needed my protection, and I’d failed her. She was targeted because of that ring- that promise that I would keep her by my side in sickness and in health. Her strength was unparalleled, but determination couldn’t outwit a bullet aimed at her. I could give her the world, but I could never give her what she deserved: privacy and safety. The fundamental aspects of her life were altered by a ridiculous crown on the top of my head.

After the attack, I’d never wanted to abdicate more in my life. I wanted to throw away every medal and shed every title, and I wanted to run far away with Collins. But as much as I craved a world just for the two of us, we would never get the opportunity. We were cursed by the circumstances of my birth and the recklessness of the original heir.

“Your majesty?” a small voice prodded me, interrupting my thoughts, and I forced my eyes open once more. An assistant stared back at me, clutching a clipboard to calm the nerves of talking to the king. I feigned to smile to put her at ease, silently cursing myself for being so perfect all the time. What did the perfect king really get? He got shot at and lost the woman he loved.

“Yes?” I prompted, eager to end the conversation. I didn’t want to talk. It was taxing to function, let alone maintain etiquette.

“The press conference has been scheduled for noon, and I’ve been asked to inform you that your schedule allows for sleep, Sire,” she faltered, uncomfortable with the correct terms and how to converse with the king. I felt stripped of my humanity in the exchange. Tonight, I was a crown, not a victim.

It was the first opportunity to sleep, and I was too exhausted to pass it up. I offered a polite thanks, finishing whatever liquid was in my glass and leaving my office. It was a long walk through the palace to my quarters, a trait I’d designed to give myself a sense of leaving work when I left after a long day. I’d picked it when I thought about coming home to Collins and reveling in domestic bliss, but now, it was another reminder of what I wouldn’t have.

My wing was still and silent, and it was deafening compared to the chaos in the rest of the palace. Here, I was left alone with my thoughts, and I couldn’t imagine a worse punishment.

In the dimly lit room, my world looked as grey and monotonous as it felt. Collins was warmth and light, and without her, the world was lacking. Hints of her laughter echoed in the hall, a cruel illusion to a melancholy man. Shedding layers as I approached my bed, I was stopped by the artwork in the center of the room.

It was supposed to be a gift for Collins, proof of my commitment to our relationship as we entered the intrigues of courtly life as a couple. After a magical night in Paris, I spent so many nights looking back at the selfie we’d taken together on the Eiffel Tower. Somehow, Collins captured every ounce of our happiness and love into one little photo, and I treasured it. When the plot was revealed and her name cleared, I’d immediately ordered a copy to be printed, hoping to present it to her as a reminder of how far we’d come together. Tonight, I’d hoped to bring Collins here to see it and offer for her to stay with me here until the wedding.

This portrait was so hopeful and full of affection that it stunned me. I couldn’t cry. I couldn’t be angry. I could only stare and be wistful.

“You just have to come to me,” Collins’ requests lingered in the back of my mind.

I could end this. I knew I could. I could find Collins right now and take it all back. I could live the rest of my life with the woman I loved, and I could pretend that I’d never left in the first place. Neither of us had to be miserable. All I had to do was come back.

But how could I do that?

How could I run to her when I knew it put her in danger? How could I ask her to pick me over her safety when I knew she would pick me? How could I ask her to give up everything because I selfishly loved?

My breast pocket felt heavy, and I carefully removed the diamond ring. It caught a stray sunbeam, reflecting back in my face and reminding me of how happy I’d been when I put it on her finger. The night I proposed was the best of my life. Even on one knee, I didn’t know if she was willing to take the title associated with our marriage, but she’d surprised me and said yes without a second thought.

I placed the ring in front of the photo, silently appreciating the life we almost had, and I felt tears spring to my eyes. I’d hurt her so much that my body ached. My skin burned from the lack of her touch, every nerve ending scorched from the effort of staying away. Even now, I knew it would never get better. I would never stop wanting her or loving her, and I lost resolve a million times an hour.

Turning away from the photo, every step away was like walking on knives. I was walking away from her at every chance I had because I knew I had to. The moment I lost my strength, the moment I would go back and put her life in danger. Collins deserved so much more…

I shed my suit as I approached my bed, wincing from my injuries as I slid between the sheets. The other side of the bed was notably empty, and as I took a deep breath, I could smell her perfume lingering on the other pillow.

My breath caught in my throat as I reached out for it, taking a greedy whiff of the pillow and savoring the familiarity. If I thought about it long enough, I could feel her touch. I could see her blinding smile when she woke up next to me, and I could hear her soft laughter as she deliriously submersed herself in the happiness of being with me.

I never deserved her…

I forced myself to repeat it over and over, waiting for it to sink in. Collins deserved more than I could give her. She deserved privacy and safety, and she would happy again… I tried and failed to block out the image of her begging for me, and I hated myself for what I’d done to her. It was one thing to put myself through pain, but her? My protective instincts cursed myself for what I’d done.

Overcome, I sobbed into the pillow and breathed in her scent with wavering strength. I needed her. Fuck, I needed her. I loved her more than anything in the world. I loved her enough to let go, but I would never emerge from this depressed self-hate for doing it.

I was lulled to sleep by her perfume, hugging the pillow with desperation. I was doing the right thing. I was protecting the woman I loved from the reality of life with me, but I would have done anything to stop feeling it.

Alone in the palace, I was King Liam, the selfless. A year ago, such a title would have made me proud, but Collins changed everything. She made me question what I thought I knew, and she made me want things I couldn’t have. She loved Liam the Person in pure intensity, and it was her downfall. Her hope in me only brought her despair.

I wished to have her close. I longed to let her in and share my whole self, opening ourselves to the ultimate intimacy, but I couldn’t do it. My selflessness was just limiting fear. I couldn’t bear to watch her get hurt, and with me, the threats would always be present.

I had to stay away for both of us.

But I never thought it would hurt like this…


	5. All That Matters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Armed with one final plea, Collins confronts Liam, and the young king must determine if he's really made the right decision.

The days seemed to drag on, one after another in painful succession. My senses were dulled to the point of ignorance. I hardly knew what day it was, let alone what time. Daily pleasures passed with numbing insignificance. All crowded into Drake’s hospital room, my friends and I been a security nightmare. Multiple high-profile targets surrounded the survivor of an assignation attempt and brought with them with loud laughter and frequent pizza delivery orders, and at one point, I thought my security guard might kill me herself.

I stayed with Drake most of the days, claiming the armchair in the corner for myself. Our friends came and went, every exchange shedding the horror of the assassination attempt. They were freeing themselves from that fateful night, but I didn’t. I could join in with the jokes and pass the time with their companionship, but I wasn’t the same. I didn’t see how I could ever be the same.

“You should talk to him,” Drake told me again and again, even when I reminded him of how disastrous our last conversation had been. I’d taken Drake’s advice and marched up to Liam in hopes of reconciliation, and instead, Liam just confirmed that he didn’t want me anymore.

“Just force some sense into that man! He’s being ridiculous,” Olivia would chime in, hands on her hips as Drake backed her up. This always had a conflicting result on my heart. Watching Drake and Olivia grow closer was heartwarming, and I was honored to witness the start of something so special. Yet, it only highlighted my loneliness. How did they get it right when Liam and I couldn’t?

It was time to let go. I knew it was.

He took the ring, the one thing I thought he would never do. He forced me away no matter how many times I ran back to him. My fairytale was a tragedy in disguise, and I had to accept my fate.

But I just couldn’t.

The clock hit two am as I hit rewind on my recording of Liam’s press conference. I couldn’t sleep without hearing his voice, even if it was downtrodden and relaying information about the worst night of my life. This was his fourth press conference and the only one I’d had the heart to record. He put on the act of a hopeful, confident king prepared to vanquish any enemy while serving his people, but the twinkle in his eye was gone. Devastation hid behind his brilliant smile, and it brought tears to my eyes. I just wanted to hold him and fix this. Why wouldn’t he let me?

“How is Lady Collins recovering?” a reporter asked from the crowd, and Liam seemed almost to wince.

“She’s doing quite well. We’re very fortunate she did not sustain any serious injuries,” Liam responded, quickly pivoting to another topic.

In every interview, Liam refused to announce that our engagement was over. Rationally, I knew that this was a strategic decision designed to minimize the public relations fallout, but a part of me imagined that he wasn’t ready to let go either. We were both holding on to the life we’d planned and the love we’d shared. But already, rumors were swirling. Everyone wondered why his loving fiancé wasn’t at his side during such a trying time. Magazines criticized my absence and speculated that I was secretly in a hospital fighting off unknown injuries. It was only a matter of time before Liam would be compelled to make the announcement, and then, there would be no escaping it.

Hope fought through my numbness, urging me to hold on to him for as long as I could. How could I let go? How could I just allow this happened? There had to be something I could do.

My packed bags lingered in the corner of my eye, and I felt a wave of stinging defeat slam into me. It was my last night in the palace. I would be freed of the constant reminders of all I’d lost, but walking out of those doors tomorrow morning would be acceptance of something I could never accept. I was scheduled to enter my dutchy for the first time, meeting with designers to distract myself with decoration and renovation. I’d put it off for days, waiting for Drake to leave the hospital, but his discharge obliged me to finally go. Hana offered to stay with me in Valtoria while Maxwell offered his family home during the renovations, and I’d politely thanked them both and failed to make any commitments.

The truth was that I didn’t know what I’d do. Maybe I’d hole myself up in my mansion and hide from the world. Maybe I’d surround myself with friends until I could fool myself that I was doing alright. Maybe I’d even return to New York, putting an ocean between me and this heartbreak.

The recording ended on the television, but I was no closer to sleep. I rose from my bed, quietly opening my door and slipping away from my bedroom. A guard glanced up from the paper, looking at me with a conflicted stare and then nodded their approval. In the palace, I was granted more freedom than in the hospital, but I was hardly a free woman. Yet, occasionally, tremendous pity for the heartbroken woman inclined a guard or two to bend the rules and allowed me time alone.

I didn’t know where I was going as I padded down the palace hallways, but I found myself on my old path…

I lost my breath as I realized I was walking right to Liam’s door, but a wave of newfound confidence surged through my blood.

I refused to feel like this anymore. I refused to let the love of my life do this to himself- to both of us. I refused to watch us both suffer. I refused to let go of the best thing I’d ever known… And damn it, I was going to fix it.

I marched up to the guards stationed outside of Liam’s suite, feeling my confidence waver as they looked at each other and silently questioned whether or not to let me in. I found Bastien’s eyes in the group, bearing my pain and wordlessly urging him to let me in.

I’ll help him, I promise. Just let me in, I thought.

As if reading my mind, Bastien nodded to a few guard and mumbled orders to open the doors. I smiled my thanks as I stepped inside.

The suite was silent and enveloped in bleak darkness. Every curtain was drawn, and the balcony doors were shut. I found a smile perking at my lips when I thought of our night on the balcony, how I thought I’d lost him only to be reassured of his love. I never thought that such a trying time would be the best moments of my life. Circumstances forced us apart, but we loved each other so much…

I felt my way through Liam’s quarters and reached his sleeping chambers. Silently pushing the door open, I peeked inside and felt my heart stop.

Illuminated by the only open window, Liam’s outline was clear. He sat on his bed, the sheets rumbled by a sleepless night, and stared pensively at the moon. A glass was firmly set in his grasp, the contents of which were dark and strong. The strong façade of the king was gone, and he was just a man in pain.

On overwhelming urge ordered me to rush to him and fix it. Watching him like this made me ache in places I didn’t know I could, and a tear involuntarily slipped down my cheek. I moved away from the door, fear taking hold of me. I couldn’t handle another rejection. In my hurry to leave, I bumped into a table and knocked a book off with a solid thud.

Liam turned, fear in his bright blue eyes from the sudden noise, and I stood there like a gaping idiot. I swallowed heavily as I met his stare, losing whatever apology I’d come up with for knocking off the book. The silence seemed to drag on for an eternity, and we both stared at one another in shock.

“Bastien let me in,” I murmured, hating that I even had to explain why I was here. Only a few nights ago, we’d shared that bed, and now, I was an unwanted intruder.

Liam nodded wordlessly, eyes still locked on mine.

“You look terrible, Liam,” I bit my lower lip, and he nodded again, staring at the drink in his hand before putting it away. He shifted again, turning his back to me as he gripped onto the edges of his bed, and I recognized the silent request for me to leave. I bit back the impending tears and stepped inside anyway.

“They’re sending me to Valtoria in the morning,” I kept talking, unsure of what I even wanted to say, “Or I guess you are…”

Liam flinched at the accusation but didn’t deny it.

Please, just talk to me… I took another step towards him.

“I saw the press conferences… You’re an amazing king, Liam. They say a king this young has never had such a high approval rate,” I chewed on my lower lip.

“Yeah, and there’s never been an assassination attempt this early into a reign,” Liam scoffed bitterly.

“That’s not your fault,” I stood in front of him now, forcing him to look at me.

“Collins… They aimed at me. My crown. Their attack on the monarchy affected those I care for, and I can never forgive myself,” he looked down, “This is what’s best.”

“They fired those shots, Liam. You’re an amazing king, and no one blames you. When we entered your life, we knew the danger ” I instinctively ran my fingers through his hair, shifting his curls away from his face, and his body went rigid. He looked up at me, eyes so full of love and despair that it took my breath away. Seeing him like this prompted me to say what I never thought I’d say again, “I meant what I said in the hospital… I still love you, and I’ll always be here, waiting for you to take it back.”

Liam paused, his hands reaching to wrap around mine, leaning into my touch before quietly pulling away from me. He took a ragged, pained breath and shook his head, “I can’t, Collins.”

I stepped away, holding my breath to ward off the hot tears pricking in my eyes, “Why the fuck not?” I asked pointedly, “This is complete bullshit, Liam.”

“I’m protecting you!” Liam was shocked by my outburst. The last time we’d had this conversation, I’d been the model duchess. Even as I shed my pride to beg for him, I’d accepted it. I grieved my loss with silent sobs and gave him a free pass for breaking my heart. I would do anything to have him back and was so consumed with pain that I neglected anger.

“You’re afraid,” I quipped, “And guess what? So am I! We all are.”

“You shouldn’t have to be!” Liam insisted.

“At the wishing well, you made a wish. Do you remember?” I demanded, wiping away my tears, “You said you didn’t want to rule by fear like your father, but that’s what you’re doing! Right now, you’re running from fear.”

“Well, maybe I should be more like my father!” Liam’s voice cracked, “If I’d listened to him, you’d be safely in New York, and Drake wouldn’t be in the hospital,” Liam stood to collect his drink from the nearby table, downing it in one angry gulp.

I stumbled back, horrified at what he’d just said. How could he want to be like that awful man? Even the greatest of intentions couldn’t cleanse him of what he’d done wrong- especially to his own son. Liam was nothing like him, and I felt a sudden panic that my wonderful man was about to slip into something so dark…

“You are not your father. You’re a better man and a better king, and you don’t want to be him,” I held either side of his arms, forcing him to look at me, and he reluctantly met my gaze, “Promise me that’s not who you’ll become.”

His thumb traced my cheekbone as he considered my words, and he slowly added, “They took my mother… And they tried to take you.”

“I’m still here,” I assured him, taking his hand and placing it on my heart so that he could feel my racing pulse, “I’m still yours.”

“I don’t deserve you…” he whispered, tears spilling on his face.

“I don’t care,” I replied, “There will always be days when we don’t deserve each other, but that doesn’t mean we won’t always stay.”

“That shot was aimed at you,” his voice cracked, “If Drake hadn’t taken the bullet…”

“But he did,” I interrupted him, “I can’t promise you that we’ll always be safe. There will be attempts on your life and on my life, and one day, they may more than just ‘attempts.’ But when I’m faced with a life without you, it isn’t a life worth living.”

Liam’s face twisted in pain as he sniffled, “I can’t ask you do that.”

“I’m not asking, Liam. I’m telling you what I’m doing,” I channeled my strength into my last stand, my last offer, “I love you. Every morning, I wake up and wonder when I’ll get to see you. I can’t sleep without hearing your voice. I’ve spent the last few nights watching recordings of your speeches just to hear it! You want me to go back to New York and be the girl I used to be, but she’s gone. I gave her up the moment I took you to the Statue of Liberty. I picked you then, and I pick you now.”

Liam’s hand rested on my hips, and I found myself smiling at the familiarity. There was something magical about his touch, the way it reawakened nerves made dormant by sadness. It burned across my skin in a smooth, reviving fire. It spread quickly, urging me to get more. I needed him so much that it took my breath away. I stepped closer, touching Liam’s chest, and I was shocked to hear his wince.

Moving away instinctively, I watched Liam compose himself, and I swallowed hard as I shifted his white dress shirt to see more of his chest. I gasped in horror, covering my mouth to contain myself. A large bandage wrapped around his smooth skin, red stains still marring the dressing from unknown injuries below.

“Liam…” I traced my fingers along the edge of the bandage, “What- What happened?”

“Funny… I didn’t feel it until you came back,” his voice was barely a murmur as he glanced to his chest.

“Liam,” my voice was firmer, “What is this?”

“They got me after all,” he frowned, “For an assassin who brought a knife to a gunfight, he got pretty damn close,” he laughed despite the grave situation, “The blade missed by a few inches.”

“Missed what?” I swallowed hard, knowing I wasn’t ready for whatever he was about to say.

“Heart.”

The single word knocked me back, tears springing to my eyes, and I grew quiet as I considered what he had just said. He never told me… Oh God, why didn’t he tell me?

I couldn’t form words, just convulsing into violent sobs, and I felt his arms wrap around me but couldn’t see him through my blurred vision.

“All of this time you said you can’t live without me, and this injury allowed me to understand what a fate that would be… You would be a widowed queen, losing your husband and being forced to grieve in the public eye. If we had children, you’d be sending them into this life as well,” Liam explained, and I pulled away out of outrage.

“Liam Constantine Rhys, you got stabbed and broke up with me?” I raked my fingers through my hair, “Liam!”

“It was for your own good,” Liam persisted, and I glared at him through my tears.

“You are…” I took a deep breath, staring up at him, and I stopped mid-sentence with a sudden realization.

I’d almost lost him. He could have died that night. I hadn’t let myself appreciate that yet. I’d been so dazed and traumatized that I didn’t fully understand, and relief and horror spread through my body. Liam was here… with me. And that was what mattered. Not the fight or the breakup or anything else. Right now, I just wanted to be with him.

And with that, I stepped forward and pressed my lips to his frantically. I could feel his surprise, but he soon melted into me, arms wrapping around my waist and pulling me close to him. My body came alive in response to his, alleviating my pain and replacing it with an overwhelming surge of love. I could have spent the rest of my life in this moment…

I smiled softly as Liam placed his forehead against mine, leaning down to resolve our height difference, and I held him nearer to me.

“I hate myself…” Liam’s honest whisper was so intimate that I melted into it, “I should make your safety paramount.”

“The Royal Guards can protect me. You just need to love me,” I ran my lips across his.

“Until eternity, my heart will belong to you,” Liam breathed.

My heart swelled, and my lips fervently met his. Looping my arms around his neck, I leaned into Liam, and we fell back on his bed. Tangling together, we were one if just for the night. My cheeks were wet with tears, and even as they ran from my eyes, I didn’t know if they were happy or sad. Liam kissed them away, and I took a deep breath of his warm cologne.

“So, what happens now?” he whispered, “We get back together and pretend this never happened? You’re an amazing woman, but even you can’t be that forgiving.”

“I am a woman of many talents,” I brushed my lips across his, “Which is why I know exactly what we’ll do.”

Liam cocked an eyebrow, “Pray tell,” his hands found mine in the dimly lit room, squeezing it gently as he waited for my explanation.

“Tonight, you’re going to hold me, and we’re probably going to keep crying because we’ve been through hell together. But we’ll be happy because at least we’re together. In the morning, we’ll tell each other over and over how much we love each other, and we’ll get through this. Then, you’re going to walk down that aisle and marry me, and we’ll spend the rest of our lives together,” I sniffled, releasing a laugh as I prophesized our future, “We’re going to have beautiful children and watch them grow up, and you’re never going to leave me again.”

“What if something happens?” Liam whispered so softly I hardly heard it.

“Then we’ll adapt,” I breathed, “If I have you, I can do anything, Liam.”

A soft smile spread across his lips, the first genuine smile I’d seen in such a long time, “You always exceed expectations…”

I laughed, snuggling deeper into his embrace and tucking my head beneath his jaw. In his arms, I caught my breath for the first time since the gunshots rang out, and I felt like myself again. This is who I was- this was who I loved. I never thought that the handsome stranger who wandered into my bar would ever be this important to me, but now, I couldn’t live without him.

“I don’t think I’ve ever been so happy that someone proved I was wrong,” Liam’s voice was so happy that my heart sang, and I beamed in the hazy light.

“You have the rest of your life to get used to it,” I smirked with glee.

Liam’s hand tenderly caressed my cheek, leading down to my jaw where he then tilted it to look up at me. His blue eyes were full of such intensity and love that I couldn’t bear to look away, and as his gaze skimmed my body, there was a small laugh on his lips. Neither of us could really believe it. We were together… After everything, we were alive, and we were together. I found myself crying again, laughing through the tears as Liam smiled and wiped them away.

“I have a question,” Liam announced.

“Ask away,” I couldn’t stop smiling, and I watched as Liam pushed my bangs out of my eyes appreciatively.

“Collins Alexander, will you marry me?”

There was such affection in his voice, and I knew in that moment that he loved me just as much as I loved him. I’d known for months that Liam loved me, and even during the social season, I recognized that he cared for me. But it wasn’t until this moment that I saw just how much.

This is my happily ever after… Even against assassination attempts and the personal invasion of the press, I was happy. I had never been a duchess, let alone a queen, but all of my self-doubts dissipated when I saw the way he looked at me. He didn’t just care for me. He loved me. He believed in me, and he was here.

“You already asked me in New York, and I said yes,” I started to laugh at his proposal.

“And since then, I haven’t treated you well. I drove you away, and now, you’ve seen firsthand how dangerous this life is,” Liam shook his head, and I interrupted him.

“And I chose you and everything that comes with you,” I interjected.

He couldn’t help but smile, “Then, will you marry me? Soon. Immediately if I could.”

Without a second thought, I nodded my head in agreement, “Yes, Liam Rhys, a thousand times yes.”

His smile lit up the bedroom with such brilliance that I was knocked back, and before I knew it, he pulled me into such a deep kiss that I lost my breath. Our kiss was sloppy and full of happiness and occasional smiles, and overwhelmed with joy, I giggled so that Liam laughed at me.

Suddenly, Liam moved away, and I actually whimpered out of disappointment.

“Where are you going?” I demanded, watching him slip out of bed and out of the bedroom door. Luckily, I didn’t have to wait long for his return, but even as he sat on the other side of the bed, he offered no explanation other than his goofy grin.

He gently took my hand and produced a ring. I gasped as I recognized the diamond in his grasp. It was mine… it was the engagement ring he presented to me in New York, the one he took back in the hospital, and now, I had it again.

There I was, crying again, and watching with bated breath as he slipped the engagement ring back on my finger. I couldn’t contain my emotions, becoming a mess of happy cries and satisfied smiles. Oh how I loved this man…

“I love you, Collins, and I’m so sorry for what I’ve done…” he squeezed my hands in a fervent apology, but I silenced him with a smile.

“I love you, too, Liam, and that’s all that matters.”


	6. Alone Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the devastating assassination attempt, Liam and Collins were torn apart only to be mended by their love. The morning after their reunion, they’re free to be happy once more, but scars have a habit of lingering…

“I love you, I love you…” Liam’s whispers were hot against my skin, each word emphasized in a new way that made my heart skip a beat. His mouth was selfish on my skin. Every kiss was a new profession of his affection, his desire. His lips roamed my body with precision and care, and every move elicited painstakingly slow pleasure. 

“You were fast an hour ago…” I whimpered, gasping as his teeth sank into the skin around my collarbone. I felt his smirk on my skin before I saw it, and I threw my head back in frustration, “Liam, this is cruel.”

“I want to savor every moment with you,” Liam was smug as he tenderly kissed the bite mark now etched into my skin.

“Savor it while also fucking the hell out of me?” I suggested, desperation creeping into my voice as his hands roamed my skin.

Feeling his skin against mine- especially after worrying I would never feel it again- ignited every nerve in my body. I shivered as his hands skimmed the curve of my waist and landed on my flesh, his thumb digging into the freckle on my hip.

“Impatience is impolite, Lady Collins,” Liam’s smile was greedy as he took me in. He looked like a man completely smitten, and for a moment, I forgot about my impatience and felt my heart skip a beat.

“Are you going to punish me?” my lips brushed across his jaw as my back arched and pushed my body closer to his. His cool skin prompted goosebumps to litter my skin, every sensation amplified by the want I had for this man. I teetered on the edge of carnal lust and pure love for him, and I ached for a physical representation of everything we’d been through and the connection only we shared.

I could practically feel Liam’s heart stop as I leaned into him, my lips against his ear so he could feel the warmth of my breath. Our bodies were so close yet separated by design. If he was going to torture me, I was going to torture him.

Running my fingers through his hair, I finally whispered, “Is my king going to punish me?”

Liam stared at me through hooded eyes, his lips going slack with the phrase, and pride swelled in my chest.

“Collins,” Liam groaned, his grip on my hips getting meaner as lust brewed in his ocean blue eyes, “I’m taking my time with the love of my life.”

“And I’m trying to get fucked by the man I love more than anything in the world,” I smirked, cocking an eyebrow as if daring him to contradict me, and I nearly melted at the beautiful sound of Liam’s laugh. I would never tire of making him laugh.

He watched me thoughtfully, an unmistakable twinkle in his eye as he appreciated the sight. I watched him in return and bit my lower lip with full knowledge that it drove him crazy when I did. Just as I expected, his breathing hitched, and his gaze centered on my lips with an intensity that made me blush.

His hands were firmer with me now, pressing my hips into the mattress with such force that I gasped. Liam’s kiss was sloppy on my skin as his mouth moved down my neck, recklessly biting and sucking, and it left me breathless. I was aching with need from every movement, every kiss, everything.

My fingers still caught in his blonde curls, I tugged on Liam and greedily crashed my lips against his. I breathed in the warmth of his cologne, his stubble scratching my skin. Our kiss was lazy yet ardent, and it left me dizzy as I rejoiced in the weight of Liam’s body against mine. He was near enough that I could almost taste the ecstasy. I instinctively pressed my hips into his, and he smiled into my kiss.

Liam’s hand pressed my hips back down, and surprised, my lips went slack as his thumb brushed along my swollen clit. If my moan wasn’t enough to tell him I wanted more, my hips fought against his hold and bucked to his touch.

“My impatient girl,” Liam’s voice was full of love, and my heart fluttered. More than anything, I wanted to be his in every sense. His wife. His love. His.

“Liam,” my eyes bore into his, a silence passing between us that said more than words could ever express, and that was it. The teasing didn’t matter- none of it mattered. It was just us, and we were alone together. There was nowhere else I’d rather be.

Liam released his grip on my hips, his hands gently caressing my outer thigh as he wrapped my legs around him. Slowly- oh so slowly- Liam buried himself in me, his forehead pressed against mine and his eyes staring so deep that my soul felt exposed. He moved until we were one, stilling for a moment. My fingertips brushed along his face, overcome with how much I loved him.

Liam moved with purpose. Every thrust was a calculated movement, and it was so perfect that my skin burned with the intensity.

Yet he was losing control.

He was losing control with me. Slowly but surely, his thrusts were sloppier and faster, getting harder in ways that made me moan his name. I could have lived in this moment forever, but my body could only take so much pleasure before it threatened to combust.

“L-Liam,” I could hardly form words as my muscles tightened, relishing his every moment. My body was fully committed to this- to him. My breath grew ragged as pleasure and desire burned deep inside of me, and my muscles began to tighten with anticipation. Our kisses were haste and hungry for one another, roaming from our lips to neck to chest. My eyes fluttered shut as satisfaction deliciously filled my veins.

Liam knew my body and could predict my oncoming orgasm long before I could articulate it. “Look at me,” his voice was hoarse, and as I peered through my eyelashes, I was met by his steady gaze. It was like I was looking right into him. I could see the desire, the love, all of it buried in his beautiful blue eyes…

And just like that, I was gone.

My orgasm scorched my body, every nerve coated in sensual decadence. I called out his name and writhed as my body struggled to cope with such intense delight, but I never left his eyes. The world stopped moving, and we were the only thing that mattered. I watched as Liam unraveled on top of me, and the sight quickly became one of my favorites. 

In the blissful moments after our climaxes, we stayed together, Liam’s forehead falling to rest on my chest.

“Fuck, I love you…” Liam’s words were so tender that I couldn’t help but laugh at the curse. I’d never heard him say anything worse than ‘damn’ unless I was actively seducing him, and there was something so intimate about hearing the word from his lips.

Liam’s head lifted, his eyebrows crinkled in feigned disdain.

“Are you laughing at me?” Liam fought off the smile perking at his lips.

“Maybe,” I beamed, doing my best to pour innocence into my voice, “I just can’t believe that my proper king would ever use such foul language.”

Liam grinned, pressing a kiss to my cheek as he whispered, “Fuck.” Then the other cheek, “Fuck.” My nose, “Fuck.” And finally my lips.

I laughed into his kiss, wrapping my arms around his neck as we slowly rolled to our side. We were tangled in the sheets, Liam’s bed a wreck after all we’d put it through tonight.

I still couldn’t believe it…

The last week was a blur. After the attack, I thought I lost everything. The man I loved pushed me away when we needed each other most, and we’d come so close to giving up and accepting the horrific fate of life apart. And somehow, we were here. We were together, and I never wanted to lose this again.

“We should at least attempt to sleep,” Liam’s voice tinged on disappointment, earning a giggle from me.

“As I recall, we tried that and ended up here again,” I tucked my head in his shoulder and fit effortlessly into his grasp like a missing puzzle piece.

Liam nodded thoughtfully as if trying to solve our sleepless predicament, “Perhaps try again?”

I made a show of letting out a disappointed sigh, but as I smiled into his chest, I could feel his content in our embrace. I drifted to sleep, and for the first time in a long time, I wasn’t plagued with nightmares. I dreamed of a future for the two of us, a future so beautiful that it lulled me to a peaceful sleep.

—-

Morning dawned, but I didn’t dare open my eyes out of fear that it had all been a dream. The more the light shone on me, the tighter I closed my eyes. My dream slipped away from me, the lovely family and ridiculous amount of corgis Liam adopted retreating back into my imagination. I pulled the blankets over my head, fighting off the impending day and whatever realization would come with it.

“Collins…”

Even in my half-asleep state, I paused at the beautiful sound. Liam’s melodic, confident voice was hindered by the gravel of sleep, and his early morning whisper was something so special. Every time I had the opportunity to hear it, I cataloged in the back of my mind for the moments where his station left me swimming in doubts. Oh how many times I’d thought of it after the shooting…

“Collins, Darling, wake up. It’s alright.”

Strong arms slipped around my waist, tugging me closer to an unseen figure, and I carefully opened my eyes and felt relief fill my body.

It was Liam.

My Liam.

“Nightmares?” Liam’s fingers were in my hair, pushing my bedhead out of my eyes to look at me properly, and I shook my head.

“Good dreams,” I corrected him, still holding on to the pieces of heaven I’d found in my sleep, “So good that I was afraid I would wake up and find that last night was a dream, too…”

Something dark flashed in Liam’s eyes- so entangled with guilt and self-hatred that I was startled. He opened his mouth to apologize again, to explain his actions and beg for forgiveness, but I cut him off with a kiss. The week without him had been so dark that I wanted to bury it and never think of it again, and I feared the scars we’d left on each other.

Beneath our joyous reunion, danger lurked in the unspoken words and unapproached topics. Even if we shed our separation, the damage lingered. What if we’d broken something too sacred to heal? Maybe we’d gone too far and couldn’t come back.

“I’m here,” Liam’s words were soft against my lips and full of need. He needed me to know, and he needed me. I swallowed the fear and focused on Liam as much as I could.

Something unfamiliar spread through my body. Sadness and happiness intertwined in a foreign yet overwhelming way, and my body was torn between tears and laughter. I lost myself in his touch, burying my concerns in love.

I didn’t get to face it, let alone explore it before an untimely interruption.

“Your majesty!”

Liam and I jumped, startled by the unknown voice carrying through the royal flat and approaching his bedroom door. The doors swung open before either of us could do anything to stop it, and panic and horror urged me to frantically pull at the blankets to cover my bare body.

“The press conference is set to-“ the voice stopped mid-sentence as humiliation and shock covered the face of the poor woman now standing in the doorway. Liam’s press secretary gawked at us like a deer in headlights, and even though I was consumed with my own embarrassment at being walked in on, I could only imagine how it felt to have just interrupted the king of Cordonia in bed with his fiancé.

“Oh my God,” she whispered, her face becoming red as she averted her eyes from the couple caught in sheets and hiding under blankets.

“It’s alright, Camille,” Liam was calm, though I noted the flush on his cheeks, “I apologize for missing my appointment to prepare for the press conference.”

His apology only made Camille more uncomfortable. When caught in bed with their fiancé just hours after reconciling, most men would have been furious at the intruder, or they would have at least had some sort of outburst. Yet here was Liam, apologizing for the intrusion on his own privacy. Camille and I both were caught off guard by his humility and ease, and I wondered how much of it was the act he played as king…

“I’ll leave you to, um-” Camille grimaced at her choice of words and abandoned the sentence, “Will Lady Collins be joining the press conference?”

“Sure,” I squeaked, still pulling on the covers as if to hide from the awkward situation.

Camille murmured a polite goodbye, closing the door and leaving as soon as she possibly could. Liam and I were abandoned to silence, embarrassment, and fervent blushes. I glanced over at him and found him looking right back at me.

Then Liam broke out into a gorgeous broad smile, laughter escaping his lips. I struggled to stifle my smile and maintain my expression of outrage, but I couldn’t last. I was laughing just as hard as he was, if not harder. In all of our late night rendezvous, we’d run the risk of getting caught in a compromising position and always managed unscathed. Now that we were free to be together, we’d been discovered, and I couldn’t shake the blush from my cheeks. How was I ever supposed to look Camille in the eyes again when she’d nearly seen me naked and having sex with her boss?

“Just imagine what she could have walked into about ten minutes later…” Liam chuckled, and I playfully swatted his shoulder.

“That’s not funny, Liam.”

“You have to admit it’s a little funny,” Liam beamed, his arms back around my waist, and I begrudgingly smiled. I was enamored with this lighthearted side of Liam, uninhibited by the horror surrounding him, and I was overjoyed to be the cause of his relief. I always wanted to make it better and to make the weight of his crown easier to bear.

“Maybe a little…” I bit my lower lip, so happy to see him like this again. I felt broken when I saw him during our time apart. He was so sad, the spark replaced with dull complacency. Now, he was my fantastic, incredible Liam again.

“Come,” Liam stood, offering his hand to me. I stared at his hand questioningly, and he laughed at my concern, “To take a shower, Collins. We both could use one.”

I cocked an eyebrow, “You want to shower together?”

“There’s nothing wrong with saving time and water, Collins,” Liam’s mischievous grin was so sexy that there was no way I would deny him now.

“How economical of you, King Liam,” I fluttered my eyelashes innocently, taking his hand to follow him to the ensuite.

The cold marble encouraged me to stand closer to him, soaking up Liam’s warmth as he lead me to the shower. His touch rarely strayed from my skin, maintaining a hand on my body as he turned on the shower and waited for the water to heat. Steam slowly filled the bathroom, and Liam began to pull me with him into the stall.

“Wait, I have to take this off,” I laughed, instinctively moving to my engagement ring, and as I started to pull it off, I paused.

Color drained from my skin as my hand lingered on the diamond ring. I hadn’t taken it off since he slipped it back on my finger the night before, and I was suddenly reminded of the day I took it off and never thought I’d see it again. Dread filled my limbs, paralyzing me in the middle of the bathroom to stare at my hand.

How could I remove it? What if this ring was the only thing keeping this together? What if taking this ring off meant waking up and returning to my nightmare before Liam took me back?

“Collins…” Liam was at my side now. In staring at my ring, I hadn’t noticed him step back out of the shower and walk to me. Concern filled his handsome features, exposing cracks in the happiness we’d shared since our reunion.

We were together and so mind-numbingly happy that we’d ignored the elephant in the room. Together, we were unstoppable, but wounds didn’t heal overnight. In such a short span of time, we’d been exposed to trials we never anticipated and didn’t make it out unscathed.

“I haven’t it taken it off since…” I trailed off, wiping a tear from my eye before it could slide down my cheek.

“I understand,” Liam’s hands wrapped around mine, squeezing it tenderly, and a sad smile found its way to my lips.

“Are we going to be okay?” I forced the words from my lips, struggling to suppress the oncoming sob, “The risk of losing you… Liam, I can’t pretend none of it happened, even if we want to.”

“We’ll be more than okay, Collins,” Liam’s arms were around me now, tugging me into his embrace, and I sobbed into his chest as I found solace in his touch, “This isn’t easy, and I wish it could be. I can’t undo what I’ve done, but I can be here. I will always be here, and I know you will be, too.”

As I looked up at him, I was amazed by how much I believed him. I had every right to doubt the legitimacy of his promises when he’d left me only a week before, but now, there wasn’t a doubt in my mind. Liam would stay, and comfort accompanied this realization. I didn’t know what we’d face together, but I knew we’d face it together.

Liam gently took my hand, kissing the engagement ring perched on my finger, “I love you, and with or without this ring, I’m going to marry you.”

Tears streamed down my cheeks, and as Liam kissed each one away, I knew they were tears of joy. Taking a deep breath, I slowly removed the ring and placed it tenderly on the counter. He smiled back at me, kissing my bare ring finger and pulling me with him into the shower.

Tangled together under the hot water, we shed our worries and bore everything to one another, and I’d never loved him more.

“Marry me,” Liam whispered against my neck.

“I’ve said yes twice, Liam,” my fingers raked down his back as he kissed behind my ear.

“In a month. Marry me in a month. A big show of unity for Cordonia, and…” he looked up to meet my eyes, “Because I love you too much to wait any longer.”

I laughed at his proposal- his third proposal- and nodded my head eagerly.

“I’d marry you in a towel in ten minutes if I could, Liam.”

He grinned, still so amazed that I loved him without the pomp and circumstance of his title, and I giggled as ignored my caution and twirled me around the shower.

“We still have some time alone, you know,” Liam’s hands suggestively landed on my waist, and I suppressed the groan forming in my throat as his hips pressed into mine.

“I’m never alone when I’m with you.”


End file.
